The one that got away for the better
Opening old wounds, got me thinking of you,
Of all the rough paths, laughter, sadness, that we went through,
I thought about the day we met, and the day you chose to leave,
About the day you stole my heart and the day you became its thief,
It got me thinking, now that we are older, are you really all that bad?
Because you were young and had rights too,
I couldn't give you what you never had.
You needed stability, and I was a psycho bitch, so was it all that strange?
The decision that you had to make because you wanted it to change.
For years, I've been so angry with you, for abbandoning me,
But I guess I had responsibilities too,
And one of them was to make you happy.
I could not see you were too young,
And that all you wanted was a place to be who you were,
I'm sorry that it got so bad in my head,
And I wanted you to be the cure.
For years and years, we've caused each other so much pain,
And with every fight we would lose another piece of ourselves,
I can't even believe how long we've played that game,
Now I'm glad I closed that chapter of the book and let it stand on the shelve.
But last night it kept me awake, the thought of our past,
The reasons you entered my life, and why we didn't last,
And now you might be wondering, if I still want you back,
I guess I have to say no to that, I'd just paint your world all black,
When you left, you acted like you never loved me,
Though that wasn't logical at all,
But now I realize you needed to defend your heart,
From the feeling that it failed, from heartbreak and all,
By now I know, your heart is in the right place,
You want the same as me,
For our kids to grow up solid,
Though we are a broken family,
So seven years later I ask myself, am I still being chased by this ghost?
No, I understand you had to leave, just not when I needed you the most,
And am I still allowed to love you, underneath all dissapointment and hate?
Of course I am, I've known you for half my life...love and to love, are seperate,
So loving you, for me, means wanting the best for you,
To see you accomplish many things and be the father you have longed for too,
For knowing you are loved, for someone to stay by your side,
And though I fucked things up, you finally got it right,
For still seeing your talent, for loving it when you smile,
For knowing you always have the strength to walk the extra mile,
After years of destruction, it's hard to open my mouth,
To look you straight into your eyes to tell you that I'm proud,
For being a hard worker, for being there as a dad,
For wanting things for your own kids that your heart never had,
Yeah you might have deserved your ass kicked, for the way you left me alone,
But now I came to realize, you needed a safe home,
And I sure played my part, in how things progressed so bad,
But I hope you know I was really scared and it leaded to acting like that,
I'm sorry for making you miserable, I just wanted it to stop,
And I know probably too much happened, to ever make it up,
Sometimes I'm still hurt, sometimes I'm still sad,
Sometimes I still wish for the unbroken family that I also never had,
But I understand now, why you traded loss for gain,
I never meant to be the cause of so much of your pain,
Because I really loved you, it just wouldn't come out right,
The only way I knew how to show you, was starting a big fight,
Yeah, I know we messed up,
But I'm ready for forgiving you,
For the damaged person you walked away from,
And leaving me without a clue,
Love and hate are brothers, they don't always get along,
They do whatever is in their power, but sometimes get it wrong,
And if I could ask you this one question, it probably would be,
"I am sorry for everything...can you now...please just forgive me?".
Mickey Heart
Auteur: Me-randa | ||
Gecontroleerd door: Me-randa | ||
Gepubliceerd op: 06 november 2016 | ||
Thema's: |