Please help me
I’m pulling away
Don’t mean to, but my soul is dying
And is able of doing everything, doesn’t want to stay
Don’t feel like me anymore
Like I died a few months ago
Now there’s another voice inside my head
Telling me to do these things, and not let anyone know
I don’t want to listen
But I have to, there is no one who sees
Afraid of myself, though I’d rather be alone
So no one will know I’m down on my knees
I’m giving in, nothing else I can do
Wish I could just tell my friends how I feel
But I’m scared , don’t know how they will react
The fear of losing them is very real
How can you tell someone
That you dream of killing yourself, every single day
And the craving of cutting is getting stronger
My body isn’t safe with me, broken up, needing a way
The scars are multiplying, to forever leave their marks
Never will I wear certain clothes again
Wanting to get out of this self destructive circle
But still waiting for the time when
I have to put this mask down
Take some rest to regain some peace in my mind
But there is so much pressure
I just can’t leave my tasks behind
I need some help, more than ever
But still unable to talk, while things are getting out of control
More of these times when I lose my mind
Falling away in a world, feeling so damn small
Don’t feel like someone understands
But how can they, I don’t even get it myself
I’m just so scared of myself, and of losing friends
When I show the real me who’s hiding in this shelf
I don’t know what to do
Losing all control of myself when I feel a certain way
Wish I could explain, or to prevent it from happening
But right now I just see myself falling away
Not telling this to a living soul
Should do this actually, especially in therapy
But I’m just not able to, a part of me doesn’t want it
So the rest of me has to agree
Sounds crazy, but maybe I am just that
Just want to be normal, to be myself again
I need to talk to someone I trust, a friend
But I’m scared of being rejected then
Why, I do not know
I know they care and are willing to help me
But I can’t get the fear out of my mind
So I’m just hoping someday they will see
Before it is too late
Because I’m getting hopeless, more every day
The idea of death sounds so peaceful to me
That I must look hard for reasons to stay
I know I should not give in
But I’m just a little piece of myself, not the whole me
Because I’m so unpredictable
I don’t know who I’m supposed to be
I’m confused, afraid and crying out for help
But still not asking, because rejection is what I fear
What if they think I’m overreacting, a drama queen
I’m so afraid of losing them, I’m not letting them near
Another reason is that I’m hurting them
They don’t want to see me the way I am right now
By showing them a happy me
They will be able to live their own lives somehow
Without worrying about me
They don’t deserve me, so why should I worry them even more
With telling them the truth
I can’t do that anymore
The smile on my face, the laugh you hear
It is not always real, inside I cry
I really wish I knew the reason, so I could explain
But I can’t, so I lie