These thoughts
Are they really mine
They seem to be inside my head
For quite some time
Stupid ideas
Sneak into my mind
Everything turns to black
And to reason I seem blind
Thinking of ways
To end all my pain
Can’t stop thinking about this
Am I insane?
Everything I see I relate
To these thought in my head
All comparing different ways
To end my life, to be dead
Seeing a train makes me fantasise
About jumping before it
Or seeing a knife of some sort
I see my wrists which I slit
Same thing about medicines
Every pill that I take
I dream of taking too much
Just so that I will never wake
Just the ordinary things
I now relate to death
Why I do this I don’t know
Do I want to stop my breath?
Everyday I keep getting confronted
With things I want to escape from
And thinking of death is some kind
Of certainty of what I will become
I remember dark thoughts
because I have tried to commit suicide
before and I know that I am able to
but I am hiding it inside
Being remembered everyday
By seeing the scares on my wrist I made
and having these thought nowadays
I am getting really afraid
Because I know it’s so easy
To one day go too far with cutting
To take the easy way out
And just to end everything
This is not my purpose
To die right now, but still I feel
These thoughts inside and I do know
That with these things I have to deal
Sometimes I just want it all to end
To take the easy way out and be done with it
Because I’ve had enough
This takes too long, I have to admit
I can stay strong for now
But it’s getting harder everyday
so I don’t see me doing this
if it takes too long I have to say
Then I will take the easy way
but that moment hasn’t come yet
I fear it will come someday
But I don’t want to think about that
And still that’s all I can do
It’s driving me crazy right now
I want it to stop, I really do
But I don’t know how