And i Tried
At first, yeah i wanted you to look into my heart
to see me for who (i thought) i was
but you told me i was a handful
i tried to hold your hand when you were sad
but you told me to leave you alone
No one told me that i was the cause of all the mess
– i still see the glass shattered on the floor –
but i knew 1 and 1 equals 2
Darkness crept in
and i tried
i tried to silence my voice
i tried to fix you and i tried to fix me
i tried to be who you wanted me to be
i tried to make home home
i tried to cage the monster
i failed and then i exploded and screamed
i hated everything i became
Now i don’t want to give you my heart
the voices inside know it’ll be dangerous
Many years ago i learned that my being, breathing, living
results in your suffering
you should be afraid
If i ever want to be able to share my soul
i’ll have to kill the monster first
To kill the monster i need to kill me
for it breaks through oh-so-easily
Yeah sometimes i may be smiling and laughing
– it’s only part of its disguise
and so i continue to hide away
in the darkness of my soul
So much damage would be done
if i would not bury myself in the darkness inside
i keep me buried inside
and i try
i try to silence my voice
i try to fix you by fixing me
i try to be who you wanted me to be
i try to make home home
i try to cage the beast
i fail and then i implode and scream
i hate everything i became
and i fear
for everything i will become
(and you should too)