I locked it away too long, sealed in a way I couldn’t cope. Hoping that it would someday be as: the night. Dark as can be, but always followed by the light. Tonight I realized, no more running away. I dropped my mask, of standing strong, a charade I couldn’t maintain. Feelings would surface one way or another. Whether by tear of sadness or by anger of the beast. Hidden emotion can’t stay hidden long. Conversing with myself, yet I never say what I want to hear. Sick and tired of blaming others, but scared of blaming myself. Deep inside me, a little boy about seven years old, witnessed all the pain the world could bring. No faith left behind, as he marched on, yet he never told another soul. The parents that raised him, just wouldn’t understand. The teachers that thought him, just couldn’t care. The friends that played him, just would pretend. This night I beheld, that little boy speak. Never grew older from that day that brought him pain. Yet his words spoke wisdom that couldn’t be learned with age. Stop pretending, stop holding your sorrow back. Let it out, and start grieving. For only then, you can take your life back.
I used to be angry, blamed all who wouldn’t see, rather for not wanting, pretending it wasn’t there. Or not seeing, for the shear reason, not to believe.
Years and years, I didn’t shed a tear. I wouldn’t allow it, for how can a man, be taken seriously if he aches like that little boy. Tonight I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking over and over again, how could someone hurt this little boy, how cruel can one be, to kick him when he’s down.
After tonight I won’t stand up any longer. I’ll won’t keep it inside myself. Today I’ll start healing, if only because you have showed me the light.
That little boy shall remain, ‘’I’’ the beast shall guard his side. Never to be hurt any longer, as long as you would shine your light, and open my eyes.