How could I be such a fool?
How? I knew it that he didn't wanted me! I knew it from the very first moment, when Nele said he had a girlfriend for over a year.
And I keep on having hope 'cuz their are problems in his relation. I hoped that he would break with here and started to know me!
But I actually knew it from the fuckin' first start!!!
And I felt it thursday, that he wasn't my type. It just didn't connect like it did with Jurgen and the rest.
It jsut was to beautiful, my dream.
Now my suicide-thoughts come above again.
Dear Lord, I'm .. now and still havn't got a single boyfriend or a boy who had intrest in me!
When am I gonna have a boyfriend?
When I'm dead? Could be possible, that they're gonna realise what they did to me!!
God, why do I feel so bad?
They(big sis and so) say that my time will come, but I don't believe that anymore!!!
You know, it's killing me slowely!
But I'm tierd of waiting to kill me totally.
Gonna make an end to my life at .. years of life,
.. months and copple days.
And Nele, why did you say that we fit together? You know it isn't true!!So why'd lie to me? Because you didn't want to hurt my feelings?? You may do that 'cuz I ain't got those things!!
So finally, goodbye cruel world.
May y'all burn in hell!
Fanieke
10.14.2002