Indifferent, I come home
Go straight upstairs, into my room
To be alone, and not be disturbed
And I won’t come down the whole afternoon
This described a day
Like every day, I shut myself out of side
Don’t want to be
I only want to hide
Constantly busy, no space left in my mind
My mind is drifting farther away
No wonder I fail at school
It’s becoming a way to get through the day
I fear to be alone
I don’t want to be me
I need something to keep me occupied
So I don’t get the idea
The idea I have these days
To go to sleep, and never wake again in the morning
With a helping hand from some pills
Take too much, without any warning
These thoughts cross my mind
And become too appealing
Especially when I am alone
I can’t resist this feeling
The feeling I don’t want to go on
Want to quit, too tired of this life
And not wanting to die
I just grasp my knife
I cut myself until I feel no more
Trying to continue living
Through this way I survive these days
Not give in to the idea my mind is giving
I do not want to die
I just don’t want to be
Leave this place, this body, this life
Simply said, I want to leave me
Unfortunately that’s not possible
That’s a fact I’ll have to accept
Trying to life with myself
That’s the task I get
I hate the fact I became this person
Too tired to learn, to be interested at all
Only busy with food, hiding, fearing
Wanting to cut, and building up this wall
Why can’t I just be
The person I was some time ago
That girl is gone, I can’t find her
Replaced by me, but I do not know
If I will be able to find her again
I fear it’s to late
Have to start a new me, in this situation
But that will have to wait
For now I’m still busy to survive
Trying to get through to the next day
Without getting noticed by my parents
Watching every word I say
They still see, the girl I lost
Fragments of her form my mask on the outside
For my parents I’m keeping her here
So they see I’m okay, while inside I hide