I tell myself
Tonight
Be strong, just for now
You can let it all out
Tonight
Making this promise
To myself
It gives me control
And makes it seem all right
To give in, tonight
I know it’s not the right thing
But it’s working
To pile everything up
To one certain point
And then just let it flow
There’s just one problem
Once I release myself
I have no control
What I did have before
Seems to have gone, why I don't know
‘Just ignore him
Let him yell, let him scream
It’s not your fault’
I keep telling myself this
But I don’t believe it
Feel the anger
Building up inside me
Can’t let it go, must keep it in
Tonight, think of tonight
Then you can begin
Begin to release
All the feelings I held inside
I have to bleed
To feel my own pain
To forget everything else for a while
And it works
But only for a short amount of time
Then it starts all over again
Absorbing the anger, pain and shame
And releasing it all, tonight
I don’t regret this
Although I will in the future
The scars will never leave
They will always remember me
Of this period in my life
One I hate and love at the moment
Hate the hurt, the pain and shame I cause
But love the control, the feeling of peace
I hate to loose the last, but love to release the first
So one way or the other, it will be hard
But I don’t think of the consequences
Just want to loose it all
All the feeling I hold inside
What happens next, will worry me then
Right now, just let it go, tonight