first we made fun of it and then you made me push the wheelchair through white hallways, through old women dressed in blue,
through pain and possible loss.
we laughed and cried and you blamed me for crying,
but i could only blame god for letting go on you.
i never considered god as one of my friends, but here
he made me lose faith in him and in everything
i ever believed in.
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i used to send prayers into eternity, hoping they would be answered,
but they wouldn't.
i used to send prayers, while digging my nails into my skin,
while crying my heart out, while telling myself fairytales,
while drinking bottles of whisky all alone, but with every prayer i lost
more and more and more and more and more
of the faith that i still had left back then.
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you gave me laughter, hideous names, twinkling eyes, apple pie, strength, geography-love and everything else i ever needed.
but when you were gone i lost it all again.