My sister and me...?
protecting,caring and loving each other,
That's the fun thing about having siblings you can say "I love you" without hesitation,
without a risc of rejection and without stupid friends acting whole mushy, mushy.
I know I bicker more then I play with my little sister,
yet I never can live fully without her, you can say we're like Yin and Yang
, cause she's my opposite in everything ,
acting like a princess and I like a tomboy girl.
Good fights evil most of the time.
Light tries to pierce dark most of the time,
but with one of the components gone the other can't exist fully,
sure good will be good,and light stays light.
Still,...
what is good actually when there's no evil to compare it with?
What is light actually when there's no dark to frame it?
I love her for that.
But I hate her in the same amount ,like there's a balance between them.
I'm disgust cause of her innocent ways.
When she can get away with everything.
I loath the ways she can attract people like some sort of magnet.
And me, being her opposite will attract too yet...after awhile shield away.
I'm jeaulous of her 'I don't care attitude'.
Yeah she ACTS like she cares,meanwhile she has an easy job to ignore stupid comments.
Me? I ACT like I don't care.
Meanwhile I absorb every comment made and take it seriously.
I really HATE the ways she can charm people and make even the coldest heart melt of joy for just being with her.
While me, being her opposite will charm people on my own ways but at the end will discard them.
She had a sister, a mother and a father by birth.
Me I had a mother and maybe a father.
They rejected me with whole they're hearts.
I was send to an orphanage soon after.
While she could enjoy the tast of love and total acception for who she is.
Then I got adopted by my new mother and father.
I got a whole new family.
And my loving new family was SO honest to say from the beginning I was adopted.
I knew and still know it was meant to be honest.
Still I couldn't help but have the feeling they said it to say:"Don't try to even THINK we're your REAL family".
I'm mostly jealous of her I think...
She could laugh on photo's and even now her laugh is childish,innocent yet naughty.
A laugh which I wanted to have but never achieved to master.
My laughs where fake.
And most of the times I didn't laugh.
Even now, it is seldom that I laugh.
However I mastered the techique to fake-smile succesfully.
It is not even near as charming as my sisters laughs of true joy.
I feel lonely...
I really do.
Though when you would meet me you would say, "she HAS to be the easy going girl" cause of my relaxed personality.
Which she ,my dear sister, contradicts me in too.
She is active, outgoing,hysterical and a very cheerful being.
I'm lazy, fantasy addicted,relaxed and a very solemn being.
But, somewhere I know this is right.
This is my solitude, different from loneliness it is.
Solitude is chosen loneliness.
My loneliness turned in solitude after I gave up fighting destiny.
And she has it too, I know for sure.
We're both forced in our categoriƤn.
Wells which walls are steep so we could never escape.
I wonder whom will be the one with the most willpower?
Whom will be the one whom will break free.
I won't be the one, I know for sure.
I'm perfectly contented with my place.
I used to climb the walls whole the time.
But I changed.
I accepted my faith.
I can still see the blood on the walls of my attempts to break free.
I can still feel the scars digging deeper the more I try.
So I can safely say I know that I can never breake free of destinies grasps.
And cause she's my opposite she'll try and try.
And eventually succeed.
How I HATE the times she passes me.
Cause at first I would be the one screaming at her from the front.
Supporting her on my own ways.
I hate it when the moments come when she does the same for me.
While I can't think of her support,
but only of her back whom is moving farther and farther away from me.
Not only cause of competition I try to pass her.
But also cause of fear.
I have fear that she would leave me when she discovers she can fly with those wings.
Fear that she would forget me cause of the new and more interesting experiences ahead.
Then I'll get angry, scream and hate her.
While deep inside my fear takes control.
She doesn't understand me then.
Cause we're opposite,
She'll understand me fully after.
And I'll grew to hate her more then.
I write in past terms yet even now,...the feeling nags.
People are doomed to be allone.
They're born alone and they'll die alone.
And in between,
The most they think about is personal gain.
It is a mere fact, you can say whatever you want.
Cause everyone can twitch your words so, that the gain you get out of it
will be visible.
Even when it is mere satisfaction of your consience.
It IS and STAY'S personal gain.
I am and she is, a human.
But I, I am scared to be alone.
I don't know about her, but I am.
I love it when her eyes show trust and worry for me.
I love it when I tease her and she'll get mad at me.
I love it when I feel I have power over her.
When I feel she can't run away and leave me.
I love it when all else fall and we aren't whom we are in the social standings.
There are less things where I love her for then the things I hate about her.
I still do both.
I always will ,cause faith decided us to be friends, to be together but most of all to be sisters.
Opposite sisters may I point out.
She the youngest, me the eldest.
But like Yin and Yang there's always a bit me in her and a bit her in me.
I'm scared of losing my piece of her.
Also I'm scared to feel her inside to have memories with her.
But also with other people.
I'm scared cause they become a part of me.
Cause they will define me for who I am and who I'm going to be.
I distrust they're influence.
I distrust my future in hands of some mere individuals.
Some mere dustballs in hands of faith.
again a never ending contradiction like a vicious circle.
I love her my sister...
I hate her my sister.
My Sister and Me....?