I’m not tired
And I don’t want to sleep tonight
Just cut my wrist, till it bleeds
Not feeling the strength I need to fight
It is such a relieve
Slitting into my wrist, until
Blood is pouring out, feeling so calm
No matter how much there is to spill
I know the down sides
Scared I made will never be gone
Right now I don’t care, I find them pretty
Sort of proud of seeing what I’ve done
And I don’t think it’s serious
It’s just my wrist, my ankle, no big deal
It’s not like I go to deep
I just cut to release of let in something to feel
Sometimes it’s scary, I have to admit
I lose control and I keep going
Nothing in me tells me to stop
Not until I see some blood flowing
And now, I feel the wounds I just made
Somehow, I feel strong
Knowing it’s me who made them
And for a little while, all other things are gone
It’s just me, my scissor or razorblade
A little private world, created by me
No one is allowed in, just a sharp object
My wrist, and my eyes to see
Funny how this works
How come someone can do this to herself
I wonder, for me it’s normal
Just a way, the only way, to get out of my shelf
But for other people, who do not understand
It must be very hard to except
Although you try to explain it do them
They just don’t see, that’s something I regret
I hurt some friends with this too, beside myself
I burden them with something they can’t help
Just to be there for me, it’s not easy
It’s a wonder they are here for me, still trying to help
But still, I feel alone
They cant help me, only me
But that’s just the person I’m afraid of
The one person from who I want to flee
I want to be able to feel something
Without making scared every single day
But I’m scared to face myself
I know I have to, there is no other way
Only two weeks, then my treatment starts
Very nervous, and part of the reason I just cut myself
So fucking scared of letting them see the real me
I have to leave my safe shelf
Face all the issues with which I have to deal
Not gonna be easy, I know that too
And I’m scared, like I said before
That I’m not able to pull through
My way of feeling safe is to bleed
Knowing I have to stop that makes me stress
I know no other ways
Of dealing with anger, emptiness and just all this mess
But that’s why I’m getting help
To stop this endless circle in my head
And to find better ways of dealing with my feelings
Cause through this way, I’m gonna end up dead
Right, just hold on for a little while
God, I’m talking to myself right now
Well, I’m not surprised, I’m fucked up anyway
I’m gonna try to sleep, although I don’t know how
Maybe this helped me, I don’t know
My feelings have vanished, numb once again
But this can go on for ages, so I’ll stop
I’ll continue some other day, don’t know when
~Sweet dreams everyone~