Ways, lots of ways
Thinking of each and every one
Painful, quick, and easy to do
I just can’t go on
I’m so sick and tired of being me
Fat and disappointing being
Have no control of all the things I do
I do not like what I am seeing
I hate it, I hate myself
Why can’t I just leave this place?
Leave this body, and this family
Seems so easy, I don’t deserve this space
Space I fill on this earth
With so much anger and hate everywhere
Just one stupid little girl
Who is losing it, and doesn’t care
I cry, and cannot stop
Why I started, I do not know
I guess I’m just too hurt inside
And someway that has to show
And cutting doesn’t satisfy me enough
Still so much going on in my head
No matter how far I go
I’m still here, but I’d rather be dead
So I cry, ‘til my head aches
Until my tears no longer run
‘til my eyes are red and sore
And I can no longer think, feeling numb
No longer feel free, when I walk outside
When I see the clouds up in the sky
When I hear the birds singing in a tree
It only makes me cry
Little things do that to me
Which other people won’t even notice I guess
Become too sensitive about some things
Making things one big mess
I’m too weak, too tired to stay strong
Only two options left to do
Kill myself, and end it all
Or hold on, hoping someday I will get through
Don’t see how, don’t know when
Just have to trust it will be okay
But that’s just the thing I cannot do
So just one thing left, I see no other way
~22 april~