Am I okay
I wish I could say I am
But I really don’t know
What am I feeling?..damn
Sometimes so down
The only thing I wanna do
Is hurt myself
Just to get through
Sometimes so happy
Full of energy and feeling good
Then I can do anything.
Before something changes my mood
Really annoying sometimes
Not knowing if you’ll be
This way for an hour
Or just a few minutes, but we’ll see
I do know that certain things
Cooperate with the way I feel
For example eating
I hate myself when I ate a meal
Then I’m really mad
Especially when I cannot
Throw up afterwards
Which happens a lot
And being mad results in one thing
And that is calming myself down
To do that I know only one way
To release these feelings in which I drown
But then again I’m happy
When I didn’t have anything to eat
Feel so full of energy
Although I’m swaying at my feet
But that doesn’t matter
I still feel great
Until my mood swings again
I believe this is my fate
Don’t like being angry
At myself for feeling guilty and mad
About something I’ve eaten
Because it makes me wish I was dead
And I don’t want that
I want to feel good
And the one thing to change that
Is to change my mood
I wish I knew
A better way to do that
Because now, I’ll just grasp something sharp
And all I'm feeling, I'll forget
For now this way is my only one
And will be for quite a while
I don’t like it, I hate it
But no one will know, I’ll just smile
Know only one thing that makes me happy
And that’s not to eat, just feel hollow
So that’s what I’m gonna do
For a while, and I’ll see what will follow
I know I’ll have to stop this
But I don’t want to, not now
Someday I will find a better way
And then work it out, somehow