I feel
This craving
And suddenly I have no choice
But to stop that feeling
And there is only one way
One way known to me
And that is to cut myself
Till it’s my own crimson blood I see
It’s like some sort of trance
At that time I cannot think or feel
It doesn’t even feel like me
You wouldn’t say it is real
It is scary
To know I am capable
To do something like this
And don’t have the idea it’s me
And even while I’m doing it
Have no way of knowing
What I’m doing or
How far it is going
Often notice in the end
That the blood won’t stop to run
And then I began to wonder
Why the hell I even begun
Then the guilt comes
To replace the feeling I had before
And the only thing I can say to myself
I don’t wanna do this anymore
But at the same time
Feeling calm and at peace
I know this is my way, because
My feeling, I have to ease
Everytime
It’s the same old thing
Coming back to one question in the end
Why the hell did I begin?